Solitude by Anna Martin & Tia Fielding

Author:Anna Martin & Tia Fielding [Fielding, Anna Martin & Tia]
Language: eng
Format: epub

Chapter 10

Gael

I WOKE up to the mattress rocking and a strangled gasp. Struggling to consciousness as fast as I could, I opened my eyes and saw Liam standing next to the bed. He trembled, struggling for breath. I’d seen enough panic attacks to know this was worse than the one he’d had the previous morning.

He heard me moving and turned to face the bed, sheer terror in his gaze for a split second until he recognized me. I leaned over his side and held out a hand for him. To my surprise, he took it and practically leaped back into my arms, then proceeded to fall apart while I whispered comfort into his ear and stroked his back, hoping that he’d pick up my breathing pattern soon enough.

Eventually the trembling stopped and he began to relax.

I tried to figure out what it was exactly that caused the attacks. I hadn’t held on to him at all this morning, so that wasn’t it. The fact that he relaxed slightly when he saw me seemed like a hint, but I didn’t know what it meant.

Yesterday morning, he’d put on his mask as soon as he could, and gone to the bathroom to hide from me and my awkward emotions of wanting to make sure he was fine. I hated that. I hated that he had problems he wasn’t ready to share with me.

I knew I was a fixer. I needed to make sure everyone I cared about was fine, and Liam…. Especially after last night, after making love to him…. I couldn’t help the sigh that escaped me, and Liam seemed to take it as some sort of a cue that cuddle-time was over.

I let him go when he struggled out of my arms and got up again. Seeing him gather himself and put on the mask that was his usual pissed-off expression hurt like a bitch.

“Liam, please don’t shut me out again,” I blurted out before I could help myself.

“Just—just give me a moment,” he said in a snappish tone before striding toward the bathroom like he had yesterday.

“No.” I said firmly. “You’re not going.” I was up and off the bed before I knew what I was doing, and hated how the skin paled near my fingertips when I wrapped my hand around his bicep to prevent him from escaping me again.

The look on his face almost broke me. It screamed panic, betrayal, fear, and anger, each emotion layered on top of the previous.

“Liam, please.” My voice wavered, and I forced my fingers to let go of him because I refused to be another person to hurt him. Because someone obviously had.

I still waited for him to leave me at any moment. Even after last night. Even after I knew I was falling in love with him. Even after that, because I knew I wasn’t worth it for him.

I don’t know what he saw in my eyes, but he relaxed minutely and turned to step around me to go back to the bed.

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